Anaconda blood orchid movie#
Anaconda blood orchid tv#

Samantha (KaDee Strickland), on the other hand, has a Southern accent. Jack (Matthew Marsden) is willing to risk everything in the name of Science, and his English accent lets us know right away that he’s evil. Jack Byron and his toothsome assistant Samantha.

One half expects the orchid hunters to mutter, “What a piece of junk,” after which Johnson could say something along the lines of, “It’s the ship that made the Balikpapan Run in less than six parsecs.” No such luck.

Continuing in the Han Solo spirit, Johnson’s boat, the Bloody Mary, is practically falling apart. He agrees, for a fat price, to pilot the doomed cast to their destination. No one, that is, except “Bill Johnson” (Johnny Messner) the steely-eyed, drunken Great White Boat Captain. Trouble is, it’s the rainy season, and no one will risk the trip. Due to the orchid’s plot device blooming pattern, the team only has a week to make their way upriver and obtain samples. One scene after a perfunctory intro, where some big multinational agrees to fund an expedition to search for a mysterious “blood orchid” that may hold the key to ending cellular degeneration, our principals are already in Darkest Borneo. You can credit “Anacondas” for not wasting any time on complicated setups or lengthy character development. It’s not good, by any means, but for a direct-to-video quality sequel built on a plot so flimsy you could knock it over with a sneeze, it doesn’t completely tank. Rather than use that intro as a segue into saying, “It’s even worse,” I’m here to tell you that “Anacondas” isn’t as lousy as you may have heard.

Anaconda blood orchid movie#

Add to that its late August premiere date, and it becomes apparent that no one at Sony is anticipating “Spider-Man 2” box office numbers for “Anacondas.” For these reasons, it’s hard to imagine a movie that could be as bad as advance word would indicate.

Anaconda blood orchid tv#

“Anacondas” ups (or lowers) the ante by featuring a cast of actors you’ve never heard of (unless you count “Half Past Dead’s” Morris Chestnut), a director you’ve never heard of aside from his work with sequels (“Free Will 2,” “Halloween 4”) and TV shows, and a script reworked by no less than four writers.

The movie is a sequel to the moderately successful 1997 rampaging snake film that starred a damp, pre-diva J-Lo, a paycheck sniffing Ice Cube, a comatose Eric Stoltz, and Jon Voight in the role of a lifetime. If “Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid,” has anything going for it during these dog days of the summer release season, it would be the ridiculously low expectations surrounding it.